You know, when I started high school I could have told you exactly where I was going in life. I was self assured and I was directed; firm on a path that I had set myself from a young age. But all too soon my path started to crumble. The bricks were tired and soon I was left with little but a dirt road. Yes then I knew it all. I may have been young and naïve but I had a solid head on my shoulders. I had weathered some very rough storms. I lost five members of my family in one year, my father included, after that you grow. You may not always want to grow up, hell I know I didn’t, but you have to. When tragedy strikes you have one of two choices, give up or fight. I fought, I fought for a very long time and I still fight to this day. Life doesn’t give chances easily; I believe I may have missed some of my chances, because I certainly have lost my way. Life never did get any easier for me, it kept to a steady mortality rate that I can’t say I ever got used to. Life also taught me that it won’t stop just because you want it to. Life has its own path, we are all merely along for the ride.
I am strong, I don’t always believe it but I know I am. I have spent a lot of my life tragically searching for missing parts of my heart and wondering if I don’t find them, will they ever heal. I don’t like change and I have never been convinced that it’s good for me; but I accept it and I try to learn from it. I love people, watching them and caring for them, they are fascinating and beautiful. I am stubborn, I hate to apologise and I like my own way. Johann Franck wrote once “Defy the old dragon, defy fear. The world may rage and quake but I shall remain singing in perfect peace." That was quoted in a show I love, I hadn’t heard it in a very long time. It reminds me of myself, or at least it reminds me of the person I want to be, if that’s possible. Things change, and I don’t like it but I can’t stop it and I have to stop fighting it. The world rages and you stand tall to break the waves and see the calm sea on the other side. You may not know that you can cope but you do. You show fate that it doesn’t matter what he throws or how he hurts you, you will survive with time. You may not always do it in perfect peace, but you do it for yourself.
Wednesday 30 January 2008
Thursday 27 September 2007
The new political incorrect woman.
What I intend to do is by no means revolutionary. It is not new or different, let’s face it everyone ‘blogs’ now. I want to write about me. This could be considered selfish there is, after all, more to life than me. But I spend my every waking second giving and now I just want to take five seconds to talk about it. Just to clear my mind and make my head slow down.
I am your typical Caucasian female: Similar to a vast portion of women like myself I have self-harmed in the past. In fact there was a time I made quite a habit of it. However I am under no illusion that my actions were frightfully pointless. I am of above average intelligence; I do not say this through any wish to brag, it is merely a fact. I am young, not teenage naivety, but not in my thirties. I am tall, slim, and pretty – according to my friends, but I hate the way I look. I am rather typical in every way.
I have kept a blog since I was 12 years old, but not this one. My past blogs have been diaries, day to day accounts of my waking and walking. This is different. I don’t have time everyday to write about how ridiculously average my day has been. I do however want a place to write my thoughts. I came to that decision when I voiced my opinion on a popular matter to some University friends; their reaction was shocking to me. They were horrified that I was not pro promiscuous sex.
You may be a babe or a fox. You may be a stud or a playboy. I’m not. It is this fact that makes me the new politically incorrect figure. Today’s society lavishes praise and accolades on those who fuck for fun. People who sleep with whomever they wish, whenever they wish. These people are inspirational, well not to me. By today’s standards women are meant to love free sex. Women are to have sex with as many men as they please. To prove they can enjoy sex just as much as any man. *sigh* I thought we had grown past proving points, but sadly no. If a woman is not having wild sex with relative strangers then she is considered a prude; or so the new thought movement suggests. But this is not me. It never has been. Yes I have had sex, and yes I've slept with more than one person, however this is not something that I publicise. I have slept with four men over the course of seven years. I'm okay with this; in fact I would preferably have slept with less. I do not agree with free sex. I dislike it just as vocally in men as I do in women. You are not a babe or a stud to me, you are a whore. I do not think you are a bad person, I do not think you are any less or a person than I am. But make no mistake, I do not agree with what you do. Sex in my humble opinion is special. It very quickly loses this beauty when it is reduced to nothing more than a carnal desire of the flesh. Sex as a one night stand can never feel the way that sex can with someone who knows every inch of your body. In a night, a week, or a month a person never has the opportunity to discover the ways to make your body melt that come from knowing someone better than you know yourself. These brief but close encounters rely on tried and tested, hit-goal-when-you-press-here points. Give me commitment any day, cause nothing can compare.
Juliet
x
I am your typical Caucasian female: Similar to a vast portion of women like myself I have self-harmed in the past. In fact there was a time I made quite a habit of it. However I am under no illusion that my actions were frightfully pointless. I am of above average intelligence; I do not say this through any wish to brag, it is merely a fact. I am young, not teenage naivety, but not in my thirties. I am tall, slim, and pretty – according to my friends, but I hate the way I look. I am rather typical in every way.
I have kept a blog since I was 12 years old, but not this one. My past blogs have been diaries, day to day accounts of my waking and walking. This is different. I don’t have time everyday to write about how ridiculously average my day has been. I do however want a place to write my thoughts. I came to that decision when I voiced my opinion on a popular matter to some University friends; their reaction was shocking to me. They were horrified that I was not pro promiscuous sex.
You may be a babe or a fox. You may be a stud or a playboy. I’m not. It is this fact that makes me the new politically incorrect figure. Today’s society lavishes praise and accolades on those who fuck for fun. People who sleep with whomever they wish, whenever they wish. These people are inspirational, well not to me. By today’s standards women are meant to love free sex. Women are to have sex with as many men as they please. To prove they can enjoy sex just as much as any man. *sigh* I thought we had grown past proving points, but sadly no. If a woman is not having wild sex with relative strangers then she is considered a prude; or so the new thought movement suggests. But this is not me. It never has been. Yes I have had sex, and yes I've slept with more than one person, however this is not something that I publicise. I have slept with four men over the course of seven years. I'm okay with this; in fact I would preferably have slept with less. I do not agree with free sex. I dislike it just as vocally in men as I do in women. You are not a babe or a stud to me, you are a whore. I do not think you are a bad person, I do not think you are any less or a person than I am. But make no mistake, I do not agree with what you do. Sex in my humble opinion is special. It very quickly loses this beauty when it is reduced to nothing more than a carnal desire of the flesh. Sex as a one night stand can never feel the way that sex can with someone who knows every inch of your body. In a night, a week, or a month a person never has the opportunity to discover the ways to make your body melt that come from knowing someone better than you know yourself. These brief but close encounters rely on tried and tested, hit-goal-when-you-press-here points. Give me commitment any day, cause nothing can compare.
Juliet
x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)